The clock strikes 6:00am and you roll over reaching for your phone to turn off that alarm. You find yourself waking up to another day with the same task ahead of you. You know that you must get yourself out of bed because “responsibility” in the package of little children are depending on you. If you don’t move, they won’t move. You look back and see that your spouse is still sound to sleep. They get an extra 30 minutes of snooze time because their morning task are very much different than yours.
Your feet hit the floor and you begin stand to stand up and barely sigh “thank you Lord”. You are grateful for seeing another day, but as you make your way into the bathroom for your morning rituals you find yourself thinking how long will this continue? How long will my life feel this way? You are too busy to give it much thought or wait for God to answer you.
So, you rush to brush your teeth and get on your robe to rush in and wake the kids for summer camp and day care. Still not a peep from your spouse! After three calls to the kids and knocking on doors to wake them up you make it to the kitchen just in time to get the coffee brewing and some oatmeal ready. Now you begin to hear the sound of rumbling feet from the kids and suddenly they are yelling “hurry up”, get out of my bathroom. You sigh again and then hear your spouse stepping in. Stop it you two. Brush your teeth and get your clothes on. It’s almost time to go.
As you pack their lunch for the day and let Pettie (the dog) out to potty. You check emails to see what may have come in and a quick dash down the Facebook Timeline. You realize, oh I go to go. You drop your phone and yell for everyone "breakfast is ready".
The kids dash to the kitchen to eat; while you finish getting dressed. As the tunes of Tasha Cobb play in the background you get a little more pep in your step. That ‘Break Every Chain’ song always gets your spirit moving. As you give your spouse a quick kiss on the cheek and good bye, you swiftly jump in the car ready to hit the morning traffic.
Then after a full day’s work you fight the same old traffic giving yourself just enough time to pick up both of the kids. Get home and what you planned for dinner no longer sounds that great. Oh well, it’s too late to change plans. Dinner is ready an hour later and your spouse hits the door from work greeting the kids with enthusiasm while giving you a short “hey” with barely in eye contact.
Then it happens, the silent treatment. Not one single sentence from your spouse. But without hesitation, you decide to engage with conversation anyway. “Hey Honey, were you able to speak with your boss today about the vacation time?” They reply, “yes babe” as they continue flipping stations on the television. Not for one moment do they extend eye contact or even look in your direction or even explain their answer further to you. Deep down in your heart you know if you asked another question it will trigger the same old arguments and you just don't have the energy for it any longer. No matter what you say or how you say it, they are not interested. So, you just join the silence.
This is the routine each and every day. When will it get better you ask? Why does my spouse seem content with this life? Is there something else going on that I don’t see? Do they still love me?
These are the questions in the mind of a spouse who is wanting more from their marriage, but receiving no help in return.
What can you do?
Here are 3 tips on what you can do when your spouse is pulling away:
First: You must realize that in marriage you will experience peak and valley moments. This doesn’t mean you have married the wrong person. It’s just the affects that life presents during your journey. The key is identifying the season of your marriage and approach it with the mindset that “this too shall pass”.
Second: Identify what your marriage needs now. There six simple steps to having a more thriving and fulfilling marriage. These steps are
Tilling the Ground
Planting in the Ground
Watering the Ground
Fertilizing the Ground
Pulling Weeds from the Ground
Third: Commit to the process. In many cases we must allow time for the pain, hurt and emotions to process themselves out; while the good infiltrates itself in.
The issue most married people run into is that they don’t want this change bad enough. They settle and soon become content in the dysfunction until one day they just can’t take anymore and the only rational option in their mind is “I’m out”. Let us inform you now, that this is a dangerous place to be. A wise person once said that “the grass is not always greener on the other side, its greener wherever you water it”. Meaning that a great marriage is not going to happen magically, there is self-work and discipline to every great marriage.
You must wake up and recognize the signs and step out beyond you to seek the support and help that is needed in order to break-free from this vicious cycle of an unfilled marriage.
Who wants that anyway? Not us and we know certainly not you!
To quickly identify what you need to do in this season of your marriage connect with our community of Kingdom Couples and you will get our FREE guide “6 Simple Steps that Will Make the Biggest Impact on Your Marriage, Starting Now”. Right in your inbox, you will learn this simple six step process that will give you extra insight to know what to do and when to do it in order to break-free from what’s holding your marriage back from thriving.
Here's to your breakthrough!
Until next time.
Live in Peace!
Your Marriage Breakthrough Coaches,
-Billy & Yolanda